Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Chenel Moore_Fl

Posted by Blane (MI) on April 13, 2001 at 20:16:35:

Hi Chenel,

Maybe you’re just bumming for a while over your “loss,” similar to the death of a loved one. So my guess is you can work thru it and get back on track. Just a thought, good luck.

Blane

Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Chenel Moore_Fl

Posted by Chenel Moore_Fl on April 11, 2001 at 12:26:21:

Well after 9 long months of trying to dispose of my house in MD, I became a motivatd seller got frustrated and walked away from it. I am forced to start over to totally rebuild my cashflow system. I am at that point where I have started taking the steps that is bringing in the calls and I am making offers and have a couple of potential deals in the making.

But yesterday, I was in touch with the investor who got my house who tells me that he sold the house and is settling within 30 days. For the life of me, I am happy for him, totally excited that a fellow investor solved my problem and made a whole truck load of money on the flip. But I have been left with this weird feeling that has come over me lately. It’s almost like the drive has been zapped.

I am taking the necessary steps, reading great books that used to get me pumped up like Seven Habits, The Kiyosaki series. But something has changed and I don’t quite know how to get that hunger back that I had before. It’s almost like I am a robot now. I can do the steps in my sleep to find deals and I am not afraid of starting over, but why do I just feel so lacks now?? I know enough about real estate to do some flips, lease options or subject to’s. But these deals are not igniting my fire right now. I recently did my taxes and looked at how much money I made last year. Nice figure. But then when I look at how much money I lost and I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Ouch!!”

Why do I feel like this? Has anyone been at this point before? I am really considering buying a franchise and calling it quits. But at the same time, I can’t think of another field of business that just fits my skills and personality so well. I have had the opportunity to completely move to a location that I decided upon. Buy a nice house. Get a system of cash going. And I don’t know what this feeling is, but there are just not that many people I can talk to who understands my position right now. I am not broke, I made money in real estate, I made some mistakes that cost me some dough, I am about to make a lot more money in real estate. And I feel crappy. After 2 years of doing this and all the time, money and energy that I have invested in this, why do I feel this way.? Go figure!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??

forgot to mention… - Posted by AnnNC

Posted by AnnNC on April 11, 2001 at 22:01:55:

http://ultrix.ramapo.edu/~rhak/stories/others/desid.html

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Rob FL

Posted by Rob FL on April 11, 2001 at 21:56:42:

I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. There have been plenty of times in the past that I thought about flushing the whole RE thing and just working a normal 9-5 job like everyone else. Sometimes life is a little bit of a roller coaster ride.

Why not come to our local investor meetings? We have a big regular meeting once a month and a smaller wholesale/retail group meeting coming up in a week or so. You will probably find alot of people just like you there.

Sincerely yours…Rob

Re: Complete Role Reversal, hmm, it could be… - Posted by AnnNC

Posted by AnnNC on April 11, 2001 at 21:45:17:

Let’s see, 9 months of worry…Could it be something like…Post- Partum Depression?

And then only to fast -foward to Empty nest? Hardly fair at all!

What wonderful responses to your post so far! Ditto to all! And kindhearted advice.

You have gone through upheavals in several areas of your life.
You probably don’t even know what garden to plant in your new planting
"zone". Plants that were standby’s can’t survive your newfound climate. You didn’t even know you would miss that comfort zone of just having one thing that you knew how to do.

Nothing seems familiar, and now you’re the little fish to boot.

And yet you have a gift–to know how to just start up and make your own living, that doesn’t depend on possibility of getting fired.
Rejoice.
You may feel like you failed in your house sale, but you didn’t…you just
"made an executive decision". ( I had a house like that once…and didn’t have any clue about ‘creative’ ways to handle it, lost all profit, had no control, felt like an idiot, wish I had lease/optioned it or leased it; “Money Pit” without the happy ending) screwed even by my own RE atty etc.)

Perhaps you felt you were bested by the investor who bought you out.
What went wrong? Why wasn’t I the one in the drivers’ seat?
I should have known better! you didn’t fail. You bailed out to live to invest again! Think of it as a learning experience. You especially can learn from that investor. Analyze that deal. Remove it from emotion. Stop thinking about setting fire to your copies of the closing papers right now!
Learn, and
rejoice instead. Write a heartfelt professional thank you note to the investor who bought you out. Feel better.

Find someone to mentor in RE. You will realize how valuable you are.
( You learn best when you teach).
Maybe you’re bored with details and could find someone to do them for you.Or you could get equity partners. You got that deal-making machine going…so?

You already said that REI suits your personality and skills. Why mess with that? Think of ways to delegate.

Meet people, perhaps, volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. Find out how they find properties, or who the volunteers are (carpentry classes or others) Or sell property to them , or just relax and meet people there. Or take a course, or teach a course.
Or volunteer to build sets with the local community theater.

Yes,it’s true, you have to feed your spirit and soul.
No one thing can give you everything.

Your choice of books seems to imply you feel you did wrong. But you did
good. You took risks, and yet you are solvent.

Try also, “When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough” by Harold
Kushner, (author of “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”)

There is a concept, “the melancholy of all things done” expressed by
Buz Aldrin, when he got back from that trip he made to the moon.

Find “The Prophet” by Kalil Gibran at the library, and read first chapter/intro.
"…and who can depart from his sorrow and pain without regret…"
And cry.

I also suggest, not sarcastically, or lightly, to get a dog. Be very serious about choosing the right breed for you, about his obedience training, and your friendship, and then play, and learn from him.
And laugh.

Ann

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Art

Posted by Art on April 11, 2001 at 19:32:19:

When I was down once, I read “See You At The Top” by Zig Ziglar. It really helped me get out of the slump.
The reason I like his tapes & books is that he trys to follow the Bible’s principles and if God created the earth, then He must have some pretty good ideas.

The following from Matthew 11:28-30 has always helped me: Jesus said…“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light”

A song I learned years ago has helped me many times:
“Count Your Blessings, Name them one by one, and it will surprise what the Lord hath done.” I start thinking about all the wonderful things that have happened in my life and “Name them one by one” and all of a sudden I’m grateful and happy and rich in spirit again.
Hope this helps.

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Bob (Md)

Posted by Bob (Md) on April 11, 2001 at 19:19:09:

Chenel, when’s the last time you took a vacation? Not necessarily a trip, but just some time to do something that you enjoy that has no purpose at all except to make you happy? One person I know takes a bag of books and checks into a bed & breakfast. They wear comfortable clothes, sit around, and read all weekend. Another person I know buys a new coloring book and sits down at the kitchen table for an afternoon. I pick up a guitar and tune out everything else for a couple of hours. TV doesn’t cut it, because all you’re doing is feeding someone else’s messages into your mind. You want to clear your mind and just “veg out” for a while.

There is a real theraputic (sp?) effect in doing this, because it disconnects your conscious mind from your subconscious When you “veg out”, your subconscious mind is free to do some housekeeping and put things in order. Usually, you’ll feel refreshed and energized. Quite often, answers to perplexing problems will suddenly pop into your mind - seemingly from thin air - and you can’t wait to get back in the saddle again.

I don’t recommend trips that require a lot of planning and organizing. Sometimes, the best vacation is when you get in your car and say “Hmmm…North sounds good to me” and just take off.

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Chip (Tx)

Posted by Chip (Tx) on April 11, 2001 at 17:46:54:

Loosely paraphrased from best-seller by Og Mandino-
The Greatest Salesman in the World:

“… if I become discouraged, I shall continue my efforts in spite… and I shall be rewarded because persistent activity produces sales…”

(Can’t find my book to give actual text)

Today we say “keep on keeping on.”

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Ronald * Starr

Posted by Ronald * Starr on April 11, 2001 at 16:18:27:

You’ve gotten some good posts in response to your question.

I don’t know either what is happening. But one question you might ask, which might help you clarify what is going on is “what am I waiting for?”

Depression is often due to suppression of feelings, typically anger or fear. If you are depressed, you might be holding yourself from going into your feeling in response to what has been happening.

Perhaps you wonder about your skills as an investor because of the “failure” to sell the house? Maybe this has hurt your self-image?

Good Investing===and good feelings=====Ron * Starr

I know what you are going thru… - Posted by Sherry W

Posted by Sherry W on April 11, 2001 at 16:00:50:

Hi,

I have been feeling like you have. I just sold one house last Friday and closing on another tommorrow.

I am excited they are finally sold after 6 mos. But I just cannot get moving.

I love this business. But I feel like you do. I am reading alot of books, reading the success stories, ect.
I am trying to get pumped up.

I understand what you are going thru.

Good Luck.

I know what you are going thru… - Posted by Sherry W

Posted by Sherry W on April 11, 2001 at 16:00:10:

Hi,

I have been feeling like you have. I just sold one house last Friday and closing on another tommorrow.

I am excited they are finally sold after 6 mos. But I just cannot get moving.

I love this business. But I feel like you do. I am reading alot of books, reading the success stories, ect.
I am trying to get pumped up.

I understand what you are going thru.

Good Luck.

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Alan-Baltimore

Posted by Alan-Baltimore on April 11, 2001 at 15:10:37:

Chenel,

A French philosopher (I don’t know the name) is supposed to have said, “Life is a tragedy to those who feel and a comedy to those who think.” I hope that you’re able to at least crack a smile.

As has been said in the earlier posts, everyone has their ups and downs. Contrary to popular beliefs, money, fame, power, good looks, etc. won’t make any difference in your life if your day-to day living isn’t in harmony with your long-term dreams and goals.

I will pass along a great tip I got from a set of motivational tapes featuring Brian Tracy. He said, “if you’re feeling listless, make a list.”

This is great advice since whatever has brought on that “listless” feeling is probably a signal that we need to sit down and evaluate where we our in our journey. Sometimes it’s a matter of fine tuning our approach to reaching a goal or it might be that our original goal is not what we want any more. Writing down a list detailing where you’d like to be (with respect to your health, finances, relationships, etc.) in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years should get you started.

Good luck.

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by lyal

Posted by lyal on April 11, 2001 at 14:34:04:

Chenel,
I’m no doctor but some of what you describe strikes a chord with me. Could be a case of depression. Clinical depression is very common and very treatable. Talk to your doctor and see what he/she says.
All the best, Lyal

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by Stacy (AZ)

Posted by Stacy (AZ) on April 11, 2001 at 14:05:51:

Chenel-

I think Jim’s advice was good, as usual. He’s wise beyond his years, and that ain’t easy (just kidding, Jim). It could be a temporary thing, a let-down after accomplishment. Or maybe being on the “motivated seller” side of your MD house took the wind out of your sails for a while. You’re the only one who can figure it out.

But, if after some time passes you still feel this way, you probably need to ask yourself some tough questions. Is REI where your passions lie? Would you be happier doing something else? It’s not for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you don’t love what you are doing with the few short moments you are given on this earth, it’s a shame and a waste.

I wish you good luck, no matter where your passions take you.

Stacy

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by phil fernandez

Posted by phil fernandez on April 11, 2001 at 13:50:16:

It’s hard to be up in this business at all times. In fact right now I’m a little tired and my drive is a little low. I’m at a point in my career where I have made my goals and accomplished what I set out to and look forward to hanging out at the lake from mid May through mid Oct. So it’s nice to not have to work, but the excitement of the journey is somewhat gone. Think of your real estate investing as a journey to a goal. It’s the journey that got me fired up in the morning. Heck it was the journey that made me want the morning to come so bad.

A couple of years ago I asked Jim Piper if he ever got burned out. His response was, “of course from time to time.” So it happens to the best of them.

What you have going for you that can ignite your excitement again is this board with all the great folks here who talk your language and have been through this. Go back and read all of the success stories again. That’s always good medicine and keep us posted.

One thought… - Posted by Mark(SDCA)

Posted by Mark(SDCA) on April 11, 2001 at 13:46:43:

I just want to address the franchise part. My advice is: Don’t.
It will be expensive (for any decent franchise anyway).
You will work MEGA hours.
You will be at the whim of the parent company (in terms of advertising, rules and regulations, payments to them etc).

Don’t get me wrong. Franchising can be great for the right person. But a lot of people go into it thinking how easy it will be and how great it will be to be my own boss, set my own hours etc. And they get VERY disillusioned with franchising.

Re: Complete Role Reversal, Do I laugh or cry? - Posted by JPiper

Posted by JPiper on April 11, 2001 at 13:38:16:

Let me be the first to say I don?t know what?s ?wrong? with you. My guess though is nothing is really ?wrong?. After all, feeling are just feelings?.they come and go. What you feel today may be completely different tomorrow.

I will say that it appears that you had some ?endings? lately. Like getting rid of your house after a prolonged period of time. Got to produce a letdown. Your move to Florida was ended what was probably an exciting period of planning, imagining, looking forward to, etc. Following which, some letdown.

Usually after you accomplish some intermediate sets of goals (like get rid of the house and move to Florida) you?ll feel a letdown. Perhaps what you need now is some new goals?.something fresh to work toward.

No one is going to be able to tell you definitively what is ?wrong? with you. Why not just observe yourself? My guess is that sooner or later you will understand the feelings for yourself. In the meantime?set a few goals, and start moving toward them. What I wouldn?t do is invalidate the feelings. Just be with them until you have a better understanding.

JPiper

Thanks…but it’s not depression - Posted by Chenel Moore_Fl

Posted by Chenel Moore_Fl on April 12, 2001 at 10:04:41:

Lyal,

Thanks for your advice, but I am definitely not clinically depressed. These feelings or emotions that I am describing are strictly related to real estate investing and the experiences that I have had over the years. I have a totally happy family life.

I am just at a weird point as far as real estate investing is concerned.

But thanks for the advice! I guess I just needed to gripe a little!

Take Care,

Chenel