Followup: Is Patience the Answer? Do You Feel like I Do? - Posted by Anon's Wife

Posted by David Alexander on March 20, 2000 at 11:07:04:

Jumps on this post against you… :slight_smile: I want you to know Ed, I’m with you 110% for what little I can attribute to your defense.

I look back at my first deal where the profit takin back in the form of a note on a wrap, was only 12k, It also has a negative amort. on it (the underlying is a lower interest rate than that which I sold, I put a 5 yr. balloon in to fix the Problem). Because I didnt verify the loan balance with the mortgage company, another 5k was added when he was behind on taxes and Ins.

But, I’ll tell ya what… You learn those lessons, You move on and you then realize you still made more on one deal than I would working a month or two at a stinkin job.

Doesnt take long for this stuff to stack up and then your off and running hard.

The great thing about life is most mistakes can be resolved and if we’re paying attention to ourselves and others we can eliminate a great deal of them.

David Alexander

Followup: Is Patience the Answer? Do You Feel like I Do? - Posted by Anon’s Wife

Posted by Anon’s Wife on March 19, 2000 at 22:37:00:

From Anon’s Wife:

In reply to Anon…this is his partner. I did not know the title of his question until tonight…It began with “patience”. I was shopping with a friend today and noticed a candle that was labeled “patience”. I pondered about purchasing it for my husband and even went back to it and decided no, this would not mean anything to him- just another superficial/superstition from his wife. Then, I was curious about his late night frustrations/postings and recognized the title “patience”. Was he connecting with me? Is there a message there?

We have had some talks about his dreams and believe me I know these dreams mean alot to him. He lights up when it comes to REI. He doesn’t know this, but I read his e-mail, newsletters, books, etc. I want to know what is this passion that my soul-mate feels… SO STRONG. I have never seen him so energized as when he makes a deal. My husband is so generous, we are all spoiled financially and lovingly. He wakes up and goes to his 9-5 job with little enthusiasm. I see him most happy when he makes a deal. He’s a different man. The man that I would love to see everyday.

There are no “realities or dreams” hidden from me. I want the same thing that he does. I’ve told him, I will go back to work, sell one car, move into a smaller home…but do I mean it? I, to, have become accustomed to our lifestyle; Our friends, neighborhood, and having not to do without.

I would love for my husband to pursue his dreams. My mate spends hours, dollars, and time doing this and promises me that we will make it. I reassure him that I know we will, but will reality bring it?

He tells me of all the success stories. Let me see their bank account, their cash flow. How did the GURUS get there? Was there a hardship? Believe me, I have lived hardship and would only want to be there for a short time to reach this goal. Is it a sure-fire guaranteed success? I’m scared to…and do want to be there, but is it a reality???

Anon’s wife

Re: Followup: Is Patience the Answer? Do You Feel like I Do? - Posted by SCook85

Posted by SCook85 on March 20, 2000 at 18:32:35:

I don’t know how much I can contribute that others have not already done, but I will give it a shot.

I took a major leap when I got started. I was in a situation where it didn’t matter if I lost anymore. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. If I were in your shoes I may have reconsidered.

After my leap I did very well but still never got to far. I did not have a plan. Most never talk about the plan aspect of this business. You MUST decide where you want to go with all of this, how much do you NEED to make and how much do you WANT to make and how long do you want to take to get there. Once you have decided this you need to decide how to get there and then do it. It really can be that easy. I didn’t have a plan when I first started. When my plan went into place everything changed.

Know where you want to go, determine how you are going to get there, and then do it.

Hope this helps.

Steve

Not black and white - Posted by Carmen_FL

Posted by Carmen_FL on March 20, 2000 at 15:19:13:

Just a note to let you know I have been where you are. There is no one answer, no black and white - but there never is. It’s a matter of wanting something bad enough to go after it - no matter what. I’m sure your husband did not get successful at what he does by just “wishing” he would get a great job. The same goes for REI.

My husband was frustrated and angry at his job. After getting laid off after 17 years at one career, he decided to go another route - and hated it. He spent 5 uncomplaining years as the steady one at this job while I ran off and did my own thing - running my own business. But he was withdrawing and becoming depressed, because his “reality” revolved around a job he disliked and could not see a future in. However, he’d “always wanted to go into real estate”, but had always been talked out of it (by his mother, his ex-wife, his friends, etc.) He had no experience whatsoever. He doesn’t even hang out here!

You are SO lucky that your husband is discussing this with you NOW and inviting you to help him create a plan to reach his goals. My hubby up and just QUIT his job one day, almost exactly one year ago today, in utter frustration, and (GULP!) I supported him every way I could. It’s been tough this last year, since we had no plan, no backup, no experience, no money saved up. I don’t recommend doing it this way. But you know what, we’re muddling through, we pay the mortgage, we haven’t starved yet, and we all have clothes to wear. We’re not millionaires yet, but we were able to replace one income so far. And the longer we “muddle along” the more easily we can plan the next steps. It’s sure been worth it to come home at night and find a happy, excited hubby waiting for me - why, he’s even cooking! He calls me at work to share his little triumphs (today, he found someone who actually has a credit score above 600 for our owner-financing program! That’s cause for celebration!) He’s made new friends, he’s more outgoing, he gets up early because he WANTS to work; he’s up late because he WANTS to finish things up. We talk so much more than before, and laugh so much more, and share so much more. Who would have thunk it? And all because I didn’t tell him he was crazy a year ago!

You have the luxury of time, and the ability to plan. If you start putting things down on paper, including the “worst case scenario”, then you’ll see that it’s not as scary as you thought. We’re working on the next phase of this business - which will include me coming on full time - only this time WITH a plan! Can’t wait!

Regards,
Carmen

I will give you the three guarantees in life… - Posted by soapymac

Posted by soapymac on March 20, 2000 at 12:14:22:

  1. You are going to die someday.

  2. You will continue to pay taxes both before and after you die.

  3. Your dreams…or lack of them…will become the truth of your life’s work.

All the posts below mine? Gold…pure gold. I prefer simple things however, so I will give you just seven words to assure your dreams coming true, and briefly repeat some of the posts here to prove you have accomplished them.

(By the way, even the Pope has dreams. His visit to the Middle East this week is one of them. Think about that for a moment. Everyone…EVERYONE…has dreams!)

OK, to the seven words:

RESEARCH - That’s what you did to find out what made your partner “Light up.” I dare say if everyone did the research you did to better learn…and love…your partner, there would be much less work for the divorce attorneys.

REASON - You’ve asked, and had some poignant, well thought out answers from friends on this board…most of whom you have never met…but still care enough to open their own souls to you.

RELATE - OK, you read his e-mails; you observed his demeanor both going to work and doing “deals” (I placed that word in quotes because the word has a negative connotation to most people outside this passion of ours…but I have not found an equivalent word for it.) You’ve related what you have seen to what kind of working environment you want to see your partner in.

RECORD - You’ve recorded your thoughts here…and in so doing, you have an effective feed-back loop on your research.

REFLECT - I perceive this is where you are at right now. You are asking yourself, “Is it worth it? Am I willing to be ‘poor’ again for a short while to see my partner happy? Am I willing to do it with him?” Fair questions all: but now is the time. You must make a…

CHOICE - that is based on all the research…all the words. And that choice will only lead you both to a…

CONCESEQUENCE - and here I would leave you with the words from the Robert Frost Poem that have been recently used in a TV commercial which go something like this:

“Two roads diverged in the woods…and I took the one less travelled by…and that has made all the difference.”

Go with God…and keep us informed. You will find that we will be your biggest fans.

Cordially,
Roy MacLean
"soapymac"

Re: Do someting, even if it’s wrong… - Posted by Ed Garcia

Posted by Ed Garcia on March 20, 2000 at 10:30:29:

To Aron’s Wife:

You touched me with your post. The first thing I’d like to say is, Thank you to Hal, JohnBoy,
and Carol for showing such wisdom in the advice you have passed on to Aron’s Wife.

It’s hard to post after such warm sharing posts, that these three have given, but here goes.

In your post you have expressed the desire your husband has, and that you are willing to make
sacrifices, in order for him to achieve his goals. To be quite honest with you, I felt that was
BEAUTIFUL. The first thing I’d like to tell you is that you’re a Hell of a women, and your husband
is a lucky man. But if done right, you and he don’t have to make many sacrifices.

When I work with people I change their thinking completely, and that’s what I want to do with you.

First throw the word PATIENCE out of your vocabulary. You have already done that. Replace that
word with COMMITIMENT. He doesn’t have to quit his job, he can consider it a STEPPING STONE,
an immediate income if you will. But he has to commit X amount of time to the business REI.

I see three commitments here (1) He has to commit to himself (2) He has to commit the TIME, this is
a biggie. (3) the third commitment was your support which you have already given. I want you to know
that you don’t have to be a participant, but just a support system, which you already are, God Bless you.

You mention in your post dreams and goals. They mean nothing if you don’t have a GAME PLAN.
JohnBoy, mentioned that the destination is not as important as the journey, he’s right.
But before every journey you need to map it or plan it, or you’ll just WONDER, and end up where ever
you end up. I teach my people their individual GAME PLAN and then expect them to attack it.

ATTACK, is a word I want your husband to get comfortable with. To many times people DWELL on
their moves and then they never get accomplished. Remember ( an excuse is but a good reason for a bad deed)
so the reason you didn’t accomplish that move at that time is not important, it’s just an excuse.
You have given yourself, so remember you have to be DRIVEN.

YOUR ARSENAL: Believe it or not you don’t need much money. That’s why we call this CREATIVE
REAL-ESTATE. If you don’t have money, then you must learn how to get it, or to work with out it.
I HATE this part of my post because it sounds self promotional or as though I’m the only one with the
answers and that’s not true. I’m not in a position to teach everyone or I would just tell you to call me
and I would help you and your husband, teach you how to structure your deals, how to get the money,
and on and on. The best TEACHER is the street. Tell him to go out and start to look for deals, don’t hesitate.
TRIAL AND ERROR is what it’s all about. Some one I looked up to once told me,
(Garcia do something even if it’s wrong). He knew that if you did something wrong it was just a matter
of time before you corrected your wrong, which is the learning process. To many times people PROCRASTINATE.
They do this out of fear of making a mistake, don’t let that concern you.

So in closing I say, throw out that word PATIENCE, you don’t have time for it.

Go, DO SOMETHING, EVEN IF IT’S WRONG.

And may the two of you find your dreams,

Ed Garcia

Re: Followup: Is Patience the Answer? Do You Feel like I Do? - Posted by HR

Posted by HR on March 20, 2000 at 07:19:16:

Hello Mrs. Anon,

The fact that you are involved and supportive can be a big factor towards your eventual success. My wife is equally supportive, and there is no question in my mind it is a major factor in our success.

Two people multiply the joys and half the sorrows. Learn the business alongside your partner. Both of you create a BUSINESS. It can actually add to your marriage and intimacy, not just potentially destroy it.

This is a business. Create a plan. Work your plan. It’s so true: those who fail to plan plan to fail.

Good luck,

HR

to mr and ms anon… - Posted by CarolFL

Posted by CarolFL on March 20, 2000 at 05:51:33:

As JohnBoy said, there are no promises… but over my computer desk is a quote a friend sent me:
" ‘Commitment’ is not about time spent, it’s a line you cross."

My husband and I have taken / are taking some “incredible risks” in our lives right now (and we are old enough for AARP!), stretching out of our comfort zones (big time) and having a ball doing it.

We will not let ourselves (oh, let me speak for myself) be run by doubts once we are clear on our direction.

Have we done some “dumb” things? Has it cost us some $$? of course. Are we growing and happy? You bet. Are we scared sometimes, uncomfortable? Absolutely. Do we doubt our success? Nope.

BTW, we have BOTH left our jobs.

We have taken some steps to get to the point where we can do this - too long for this post. But if you feel inclined to do so, please feel free to email us directly.

Deep breath! Break out. This is the only round we get.

Carol and Dennis

Re: Followup: Is Patience the Answer? Do You Feel like I Do? - Posted by JohnBoy

Posted by JohnBoy on March 20, 2000 at 24:55:52:

Anon’s Wife,

I think you already know the answer based on your post.

Is there a sure-fire guarantee? NO! There are no guarantee’s in life. Is there a sure-fire guarantee that your husband would keep his JOB for the rest of his life if he chose too? Even with all the layoffs he speaks off? Is that really a reality??? If he was to be the next victim of a corporate layoff, what would happen with the friends, neighborhood, two cars, and having to go without? How long can you sustain your current life style until he finds another job to replace the income?

You say he gets up and goes to his 9 - 5 with little enthusiasm, but you see him most happy when he makes a deal. He’s a different man, the man you want to see everyday. Which one do you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Here is a book that you both should pick up and read. It’s called, “Feel The Fear, And Do It Anyway!” By Susan Jeffers.

You say you read all his e-mails, newsletters, and books, but haven’t told him. WHY??? I’d bet he would love to know you have an interest in this also. Maybe you could team up and work together in this. Instead of you getting a job and giving up one of the cars you can help him pursue his dreams by becoming involved with the real estate. Maybe you can develop a plan that would get you two going to where he can leave the corporate world quicker if he had you by his side as his real estate partner. While he’s doing the 9 - 5 maintaining the income level everyone is used to, you can be his full time partner to pursue the real estate full time.

If your doubtful that you may not be able to do this or know enough yet, then start out by helping him locate the deals. You hunt them down, pre-screen the sellers on their motivation to sell, and he steps in to negotiate and close the deal!

You both sound like you love each other very much. You sound like you share the same dreams and want the same things for each other. Well then, “LADY, GET OUT THERE AND HELP HIM MAKE IT HAPPEN!”

There’s nothing like a husband and wife that share the same dreams and have the same desires as each other and that can work together as a team and build that financial independence. It’s got a magic to it like nothing else! and that’s reality!

Here’s something I read and kept that I’ll post here to share with you.
Dance Like No One’s Watching

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life”.

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time…and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you’ve had a drink, until you’ve sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Thought for the day:

Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.

(Don’t remember where I got this from or who wrote it, might have been posted here on this newsgroup before)

Re: Yes, Baby!! - Posted by You Probably Know Me

Posted by You Probably Know Me on March 20, 2000 at 24:45:28:

Just in case you are curious, my wife posted this message with my full knowledge and approval. Approval?! Well, let’s just say I knew she was going to post something.

She would appreciate your comments. Yes, even your tough ones (Michael). You’re all really helping! You’ve got us BOTH thinking about this, now.

Anon