Greetings to my snow shoveling friends. - Posted by Lonnie

Posted by Jacque - WA on March 06, 2001 at 21:53:16:

We only had 1 day of snow, bah humbug…

Got this as a joke from a student today and since you left the state blank…thought I’d post it…

At Least We’re not Mississippi

11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!

But It’s a Dry Heat

Litterasy Ain’t Everthing

As Seen on TV

If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less

We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Ask Us About Our Grandkids

We Put the “Fun” in Fundamentalist

Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your

More Than Just Potatoes… Well Okay, We’re
Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”

2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

We Do Amazing Things With Corn

First Of The Rectangle States

Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

We’re Not All Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our
Tourism Campaign

We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

A Thinking Man’s Delaware

Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most
Tax Brackets)

First Line of Defense From the Canadians

“10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000 Mosquitoes”

Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-
Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey:
Ya Wanna ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##!
Motto Right Here!

New Mexico:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have
the Right to an Attorney…

North Carolina:
Tobacco Is a Vegetable

North Dakota:
We Really Are One of the 50 States!

We Wish We Were In Michigan

Like the Play, only No Singing

Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner

Cook With Coal

Rhode Island:
We’re Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina:
Remember the Civil War? We Didn’t Actually

South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota

The Educashun State

Si, Hablo Ingles
(Yes, I speak English)

Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus


Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw
Yokels Don’t Mix?

Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia:
One Big Happy Family – Really!

Eat Cheese or Die


Greetings to my snow shoveling friends. - Posted by Lonnie

Posted by Lonnie on March 06, 2001 at 20:15:19:


Aug. 12 We moved to our lovely new home in (fill in a state___________). It is so beautiful here. The hills are so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. God’s Country. I just love it here!

Oct. 14…This is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be Paradise. I just love just it here.

Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I just love it here.

Dec. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won.) We’re having so much fun playing in the snow. Then the snowplow came by and dumped another load of snow and we had to shovel the driveway again. But what a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I just love this place.

Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I just love it here.

Dec. 19…More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time! I’m exhausted from shoveling the driveway. D**n that friggen snowplow!

Dec. 22…“White Christmas” my aching butt. More friggen snow! If I ever get my hands on that SOB who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll castrate the dumb b***d. Just finished shoveling out my driveway again and he just dumped another load of snow. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt this dn ice.

Dec 28…More white crap last night! Been inside since Christmas Day, except for shoveling out the driveway every time old “Snowplow Harry” comes by and dumps another load. Can’t go anywhere, car’s buffed in a mountain of white crap. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of this mess tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

Jan 1…Happy Friggen New Year! The weatherman was wrong (again). We got 34 inches of the white crap this time. At this rate, it won’t melt before the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the Knucklehead had the gall to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. After I told him I’ve broken 6 shovels already shoveling all the crap he pushed into my driveway, I broke my last shovel over his d**n stupid head.

Jan. 4 …Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a d**n deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the ba****d. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those friggen beasts ought to be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3…Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all that dn salt they keep dumping all over the road. Car looks like a piece of st.

May 10…Moved to Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their friggen right mind would ever want to live in that God forsaken State of __________________.

Absolutely Hilarious, and … - Posted by PeteH(NYS)

Posted by PeteH(NYS) on March 10, 2001 at 11:58:24:

… right on the money. Almost perfectly describes my experience at the park I bought up here since July, except in August I hired a manager to do the plowing so I could go to California for February. As soon as all this stuff melts, it’s back to digging to upgrade septics and electric service so I can fill this place and skip town whenever I like. I’m thinking next winter, Brazil.

Re: Greetings to my snow shoveling friends. - Posted by Ron_KS

Posted by Ron_KS on March 07, 2001 at 18:10:15:

Thanks Lonnie, I sit here and laughed my b*** off and couldn’t keep from thinking of those poor b*****d’s plowing through all that snow ---- the only way I would do it, is to go and look at a MH or sign a contract — maybe to look at some beautiful deer, but that would be the only two reason’s I would go out in that stuff!!!

And I live in Kansas, and it never snow’s here.

Thanks for the laugh,