How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by stephanus

Posted by John F on February 18, 2000 at 11:35:20:

Hey to Tedb You made reference to Robert K. book Rich Dad-Poor Dad. Great book. Has any one also gotten his board game Cashflow 101?

How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by stephanus

Posted by stephanus on February 18, 2000 at 24:49:24:

I am a wannabe and my wife is not interested at all in this biz. She said it’s too risky, getting into too much debts, etc etc.

I have come close to several properties that seems to be very profitable and we had to back away because she is not ready.

I know this is not a psychology forum but I hope maybe some of you have ideas on how to convert a spouse. :slight_smile: Thanks.

PS: We have been living from hands to mouth, so there is also fear involved.

PSS: I am looking also for used courses. Email me.

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Kathryn

Posted by Kathryn on February 18, 2000 at 13:21:33:

All the previous comments have been great. I hope you hear several suggestions that ring true for you. And here’s my two cents:

I’m almost-but-not-quite ready to start doing some creative real estate investing but I don’t expect my boyfriend to be very supportive. He’s a financial analyst with a managerial accounting background and pretty fiscally conservative. I’ve been fairly successful in the stock market recently and my style of investing scares the daylights out of him. But I always ask his advice because he can see things about a deal that I can’t. And in spite of his reservations, he’s been pretty pleased with “our” results.

I bet your wife could help you in the same way. See, most women like to shop. And everyone likes to find a bargain. And it seems to me from what I’ve read and the people I’ve talked to, a lot of success in this business comes from shopping and bargain-hunting. Taking the advice already posted, and showing her what it is you’re shopping for and how she can help you, may help her to have some ownership of this process.

Good Luck!

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Ed Garcia

Posted by Ed Garcia on February 18, 2000 at 12:23:18:


The first thing I’d like to bring to your attention is that your wife is your partner, and should
be your best friend. It’s important that she is supportive of what you do in order for you to
be successful. If not, then what will end up happening is that you’ll be on a guilt trip for the
time you’re spending in real-estate investing.

You need to sit down with her and explain that she and your family are the most important
thing in your life. You then proceed to explain, how you see real-estate investing as a vehicle
to give your family a lifestyle that you employment cannot provide.

Stephanus, you and your wife need to establish an understanding. The best way to do this is
to make her part of your decision to do real-estate. If your wife sees that you’re sincere and how
important it is for you to do what you have to do. She’ll realize how important her blessings
are to you.

Stephanus, like the others, I don’t know your wife. But I do know human nature.

If you weren’t crazy, and have done things in the past that are unrelated to real-estate investing
but were unsuccessful, where your wife lost confidence in you. Then I think you have a chance.

If she thinks that this is just another one of your get rich quick schemes, then you’re going to
have a problem convincing her of your creditability.

On the other hand, if you can sit her down, and explain your game plan in real-estate investing,
and show her it’s a solid game plan, then this should speak for it’s self.

I think that it’s important that you treat her opinion with respect, and show her the same considerations,
that you would like her to show you if the shoe was on the other foot.

If all else fails, call me, I’ll convince her.


Ed Garcia

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Matthew Chan

Posted by Matthew Chan on February 18, 2000 at 09:21:44:

This may sound a little ruthless but you really need to decide which is more important? Keeping your spouse happy by limiting yourself for the rest of your life or moving ahead with the hopes she might come around.

Time is quite valuable. The sooner you start the learning process, the sooner you can change your life and take action.

I’ve seen couples where one or both are afraid of doing anything without the full support of the other. As such, they anchor each other down. In the end, happiness is the most important.

But if one spouse is NOT happy because the other is strapping him/her down from pursuing opportunities, there is some serious thinking to do.

Can you go on ahead without her support? Is it important enough to you to be independent? All in all, a very personal decision.

I would have to say to go ahead with what you want. Do your best to sway and accomodate her. If she doesn’t “get it”, then she needs to prepare for some discomfort in her life.

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Tedb

Posted by Tedb on February 18, 2000 at 08:13:10:

I have been in the same boat as you are in today!! and what I recently did was make my wife a deal. Although I have bought, sold or rented 10-12 properties over the last several years(which is not a lot by most standards here), my wife was never really into what I was doing. The deal I made with here was… that she really really wants a nice motorhome, something in the 30,000-50,000 dollar range, well I certainly do not have the funds just to go buy this for her, and besides that is not a assest in Roberts K. book. So what I told her was that if she would get out and do the looking and find the deals, I would use our money and show here how to do it, in turn she could take all of the profit from the deals she found until she had enough to buy that motorhome. She has not found her first deal yet, but she has started asking questions and showing some interest. You’ve got to reel them in a little bit at a time and when they do show some kind of interest give them all the time you can.

Don’t know if this works for you, but maybe it will give you a idea.

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Rob FL

Posted by Rob FL on February 18, 2000 at 08:01:30:

From day 1 when we got married, I have been “brainwashing” my wife with books like The Magic of Thinking Big, Richest Man in Babylon, Rich Dad Poor Dad, etc.

Of course like everyone has said, the money seems to make them change the quickest. About once a quarter, I give my wife a little “company bonus.” She has become very supportive of the business because she can now realize (i.e. $$$ and time) what it can really do for our family.

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Ed VA

Posted by Ed VA on February 18, 2000 at 05:20:19:

Hey Stephanus,
What type of properties did you almost get? Were they nothing downs deals with little cash flow for now or would you have enough equity in the property once you acquired it to sell fast if you had to? The reason I ask is she may be right. If you don’t have the money to cover unexpected expenses, one bad deal could wipe you out.

With that said, why not start with flipping properties? You can do this without cash or credit. There is some marketing expenses, but once you put a check for thousands of dollars in your wifes hands and tell her to do whatever she wants with it, she’ll see the potential REI has to offer. You’ll still need to educate her on the finer points, but she’ll see that the risks can be minimized.

Offering owner financing to buyers that can’t qualify through conventional lenders is a great way to start if you’re living hand to mouth. This can put enough cash in your pocket off the first few deals to cover an unexpected expense should you find a rental property that you acquire. When the cash comes in first, she’ll see first hand that this is not a pie in the sky “thing” you’re going through.

Good luck and hang in there.


Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Rick W.

Posted by Rick W. on February 18, 2000 at 04:07:31:

Show her a CHECK!!! That’s the fastest way to win her over to your way of thinking. Once she sees that this isn’t some “pie in the sky” stuff, she’ll quickly become a believer. It may take a while for her to come around, but whatever you do —DON’T GIVE UP!

Re: How do you get your spouse to start liking this biz? - Posted by Jim Rayner

Posted by Jim Rayner on February 18, 2000 at 16:49:52:

Glad to see your still giving the same great advice regarding this issue. You shared this with me a while back and for the record it has helped tremendously. It has been a long slow process that occasionally seems to go a step backwards each time she see’s me get frustrated with either the actions of a seller, realtor, mortgage broker, or tenant but she realizes that this only last for seconds while i let it vent.
When you shared this advice with me ed you will remember that she was completely on the outside and over time she has come to participate in one deal financially, and she has for the past 4 months begun to take on a part time role in the administrative aspects of our business. She provides the support i need to keep this train movin forward inspite of being nowhere as motivated as i am. Oh by the way she did finally marry me thanks ed
I took her to lunch today just to discuss this very question before i posted this response the only thing she continues to ask ed is could you please slow me down.