Posted by Cletus on March 31, 2005 at 22:24:32:
Nik,
I read your post, and I got to blushing so bad I had to go outside to cool off. My face was so red I had traffic stopped in both directions. Good thing I one of them green Glow Sticks with me. Traffic was startin to back up in front of my house.
Love
Cletus
How to Properly List Your Property (my way) - Posted by Cletus
Posted by Cletus on March 31, 2005 at 09:11:20:
How to Properly List Your Property
We all know that a good way to sell a property that we want to move is to LIST it. That?s a term that we use in the biz when we put it up for sale on the MLS. Depending on were you live, MLS could stand for Multiple Listing Service, or in a down market, My Land Sucks.
Anyway, it?s a great term to just drop around like when you?re at cocktail party and the conversation lags, so you say something like ?Dahling, have you seen my Listing?? Nobody will have a clue what you?re talking about, but they?ll all gather around you to find out wazup, and you?ll be the center of attention. Works like a charm. FYI, a listing on a house is one thing, listing on a boat might require some investigation before you make an offer, just a heads up.
Anyway, the reason they call it Listing is because before you can List it, you have to make a list of the property?s features. These include all the boring things like the Street Address, the City it?s in, the State, and of course, the Country. The last one?s the most important if you are an investor that makes blind offers. Say you made an offer on a property you thought was in Cal, but it turns out it?s really in Calcutta, you?d want to know that so you could adjust your offer accordingly. Could be the market there is a little tighter, and you could get more rent, so maybe you?d up the offer so as not to be outbid.
Anyway, the list also includes important things like how many rooms the house has, the square footage (this is the weirdest term, there isn?t one thing that?s square about a foot), how big the lot is, the kinds of bathrooms (1, 1.5, 1.75, 2, 2.5, hike), things like that. The two most important ones are of course, how many Bedrooms and how many Bathrooms. Generally speaking the more the better. So if a 4 bedroom / 2 bath house goes for $185K let?s say, and a 3 bedroom / 1 bath house goes for $135K, you?d be an idiot not to list your house as a 4/2 and go for the big bucks. You can get away with this sometimes if your property is close, but a 1 bedroom / 1 bath condo might raise some suspicions. Just be careful.
Anyway, if you list a 3/1 as a 4/2 you need to be prepared for the steps that follow. People want to see pictures, and pictures of your 4 kids / 2 pets won?t cut it here, if you know what I mean. So here?s a little tip. Take a picture of one of the bedrooms using a mirror to fool the eye. And I know what a lot of you are thinking, will a ?fun house? mirror make the room look bigger? Yes, at the proper angle it could be used for the master bedroom shot. Just use a little common sense so it won?t look like Paul Bunyons? Boudoir. Additionally, any pictures having words in them should be turned upside down so they come out right.
Anyway, when it comes to the bathroom shots, just take one with the seat up, and one with the seat down. Men never look at these pictures anyway, so you just have to worry about the ladies. Believe me, they?ll be so upset by the shot of the seat up, they won?t even notice the shower curtains have the same stains.
Anyway, when you put your list together there is a spot for that ?square feet? term to be used. A little imagination goes a long way here. So if your 4/2s are generally 1700 of those things and you put down 1100 people are gonna know right off the bat you?re a few toes short of the real thing. Take the picture you took in the mirror and figure out how much bigger it looks than the real room, and add that guess to what you know it to be. Now, I know some of you are going ?Hey wait a minute, I?m not an idiot, that picture is a mirror image, so technically it?s the negative of the real room, so I should be ?Subtracting? that square feet?. That might be true if we where going to use the negative of the ?photo?, but we?re not, so just relax. Now add all those mutations together and include twice what you know the bathroom is and you will get the right figure. Remember we just need this for our list, not for tax purposes, so close is ?good nuff?.
Anyway, when it comes to closets, people go nuts for those ?walk-in? types. So if yours are just the regular, open the door, dodge the falling junk, look for your goulashes, pick up all the junk, stuff it back in the closet, quick shut the door, use your back and legs for leverage, listen for the ?click? kind of closet, you?ll be glad your selling. If you?ve got good size walking-ins, maybe you can skip the bedroom in the mirror step, and just hang a few pictures.
Anyway, now we are almost ready with our list for our Listing so we need to include the Amenities. Now if your place is a little lacking, but your neighbor has all the good stuff, this can help a lot. If they have a fireplace, but that smoky smell we all love blows in your direction, or they have a pool your kids use too, include all that like it was yours. Remember, there?s a little ?Sales Magic? going on here. We don?t want the Groom to know the Bride doesn?t wax, and her Grandmother married Big Foot way back when, so we try to paint the best picture we can.
Anyway, the last thing we need to include is the lot size. I always measure out to the middle of the street. Technically that?s a no-no, but like I said, this ain?t for tax purposes. Additionally, this could make your lot appear long and skinny, so be sure to measure out to the tips of the overhanging tree branches on either side of your lot to compensate.
Anyway, try to keep a decent perspective when you List your house After seeing my own house on the MLS a while back I realized I?d be an idiot to sell a place like that. Especially since I?ve always wanted a 3 car garage and I realized I already had one. Seems I had circular drive as well. Not bad for a one bedroom condo.
Anyway, next time we?ll delve into the science of why the water pressure is stronger on the first floor than it is on the twelfth floor, and why in August, dropping nickels makes deeper impressions in warm asphalt than dimes do.
baton twirling uniforms - Posted by baton twirling uniforms
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Thank You, I Needed That!!! - Posted by Elizabeth (NJ)
Posted by Elizabeth (NJ) on March 31, 2005 at 21:07:43:
Re: How to Properly List Your Property (my way) - Posted by Steve(TX)
Posted by Steve(TX) on March 31, 2005 at 14:26:22:
Hilarious! You should archive all these and write a book.
Hey Mom, Your Welcome! Thank You!! - Posted by Cletus
Posted by Cletus on March 31, 2005 at 22:11:58:
:o)
Re: How to Properly List Your Property (my way) - Posted by Cletus
Posted by Cletus on March 31, 2005 at 14:40:35:
Steve,
I do, and I’m happy to hear when people enjoy them.
These are a gift from me to Terry and J.P. as a way to give something back for all they have given me in the knowledge dept, they archive them too, and you can only find my RE humor on this board.
Thanks for taking the time to read these posts, I laugh the whole time I’m writing them, as I never know where they’ll take me. I’m just along for the ride too.
Cletus
Re: How to Properly List Your Property (my way) - Posted by nik
Posted by nik on March 31, 2005 at 22:15:55:
Oh, Cletus! You are one brilliant writer! These posts are priceless. Thanks again for doin what ya do! My husband and I are newbies, taking baby steps and reading this board daily. I NEVER miss a Killer Joe or Cletus post cause I KNOW they will add so much to my day. SOMEDAY I hope to be able to give something back to you and the fine, fine people here at CRE Online who have contributed so very much to our daily lives! Thanks again!
Re: How to Properly List Your Property (my way) - Posted by way_motivated
Posted by way_motivated on March 31, 2005 at 15:20:14:
i love reading’em