RING!!!!! RING!!!! ..........Hello. - Posted by Jim

Posted by evelyn (FL) on February 21, 2001 at 20:07:46:

I am SOOOOOO grossed out now!!! (LOL)


RING!!! RING!!! …Hello. - Posted by Jim

Posted by Jim on February 20, 2001 at 23:58:04:

Seller calls on my ad today and says are you the guy that buys houses! Why yes, that’d be me, what do you have.

He goes on to tell me all about his lovely house (Has a terrible speech impediment, so it’s very hard to understand) how long he’s owned it and that it’s only him and his dog there and that he can’t afford the payments, yada yada yada… I ask him all the questions about the existing financing, and if he’d consider taking back a second for his equity if I get him a small down payment etc.

He’s seems very agreeable on all of this. I ask “Does the house need any repair”? Mr Seller exclaims why NO!!! with the exception of maybe a little touchin up on the paint. I tell him I’ll be there in about an hour and a half. Hey, this sounds like a good one and I don’t want my competition beating me to this one!

I do a quick drive by just to get a glimpse. Well… I can tell already what this is going to be! First it is not in a very good area. I knew this from his location, but there are some nice houses located there and from what I gathered from our conversation I thought I’d take a chance. Anyway…

His car, an old beat up chrysler sets in the driveway, stickers all over it, a big 10 foot C.B. antenna with a flourescent orange flag at the top of it waving in the breeze, and a hugh pile of crap in the carport area, along with other junk piled throughout the carport area. (This is for starters)

I knock on the door and it reeks of filth. The (Speech Impared guy) answers the door, and I am shocked to what I’m seeing. This guy who is about 65-70 years old is pumping Primitine Mist into his lungs so he can talk to me and has a pack of Marlboros in his shirt pocket!!!. He has a wig on his head that is about 50 years old. It’s scraggily and couldn’t look more phoney if it had a chin strap! (I kid you not) It had the looks of Norman Bates mom in psycho!. The guy is wearing a Kilt and looks like death warmed over!!!

Now the House… If this house didn’t need a complete gutting and redoing nothing did! He said it needed no repairs! What planet is this guy from? The only good looking thing about the whole visit was the Dog! (I feel really sorry for that nice dog) What a dump he has to live in. But he looked happy. Oh well.

I ended up telling the guy that I have to talk with my associates and that someone would get back in touch with him. I then left and never intend to return unless I can buy this from the bank at a steep discount after it is foreclosed on. He owes a 1st of $56K and is 2 months behind, and owes 2 years in back taxes! Nobody is going to buy this dump, unless it’s like I said after its an REO.

Seriously folks, if you could have seen this you would have thrown up! The mirror in the bathroom had everything all over it! It couldn’t have been cleaned in at least 12 years (I am dead serious)

So when you ask “Does the house need repairs” and they say NO. Usually they’re telling the truth but always be prepared for a surprize!

What a Business were in. (Anyone else ever have this happen)???


Since we’re telling stories… - Posted by Ben (NJ)

Posted by Ben (NJ) on February 22, 2001 at 21:26:56:

I sold a condo unit two years ago to an attractive young lady who lived next door to the unit and wanted to expand. We had an appointment at her place at 10AM
to sign some papers. I was NOT early, yet for some reason she opened the door in a very short towel, dripping wet from the shower. Being the professional I am, I insisted on waiting in the hall while she dressed. She next informed me that her place was being totally renovated and the only place we could sign papers was in her BEDROOM ! (At this point I am thinking I really should have brought my wife), Of course, nothing happened and we even laughed about it later at the closing.

Sounds like one of my beauties! - Posted by SCook85

Posted by SCook85 on February 22, 2001 at 17:30:26:

I buy those all the time, in fact bought 4 last week that can fit into that category. Gets me excited when I find them. I can tell MANY of those stories.


The wig and the chin strap… - Posted by SusanL.–FL

Posted by SusanL.–FL on February 22, 2001 at 11:48:11:

…a Lady Clairol moment for SURE!

Man, I was laughing SO hard at ALL of these posts, I have mascara running down my face!!!

Re: RING!!! RING!!! …Hello. - Posted by Jim Locker

Posted by Jim Locker on February 22, 2001 at 09:23:16:

OK. I’ll tell you my best one. This wasn’t a purchase, I already owned it.

This tenant had her father in the apt. He was a nice old man, always smiling. You could meet him in the hallway and talk to him for ten minutes without having the slightest clue what you were talking about.

He would wander off, the police would pick him up and bring him back.

One day, one of my maintenance people had cause to enter the apartment. He comes to me later and says “you had better go take a look”.

So I posted it for inspection. On the appointed day, I entered the apartment at the appointed time. The tenant was not home, and Dad had wandered off some place. The moment I opened the apartment door, my eyes started to water. I entered. There was a hamper of clean clothes on the end of the sofa right by the door. It was literally the only clean thing in the place.

Seems that Dad needed some care - rather more than he was getting. I wandered through the apt, and it was clear that Dad couldn’t necessarily find the bathroom. Piles, y’know. Furthermore, Dad was a bit of an artist. He drew pictures and designs on the walls of the apartment. Guess what his material was? Well, y’see, there were all these handy piles around the apartment…

I left the apartment as quickly as I could, and when I was in the hall, I checked my shoes…

I evicted her. She stood in court and begged to be allowed to stay for another month. Of course, I said “no”.

For the cleanup, I issued the crew masks, gowns, and gloves. I instructed them to enter the apartment and CLOSE THE DOOR - can’t stink up the hall. Open the windows. Cut up the carpet and throw it out the window.

This (fortunately) was a downstairs unit and the floor was concrete. The apt was scrubbed with straight Clorox. After the odor of clorox subsided, we did the “sniff test”, and proceeded with deodorizing. In two locations, we wound up cutting out drywall, removing trim moulding, cutting out a section of wall footer, and replacing.

Then, there was the other time when one of my tenants (who had permission to have 1 cat) accumulated 23 cats. Fortunately, I learned of that and evicted rapidly enough that the damage was not serious…

Note to myself… - Posted by Bob (Md)

Posted by Bob (Md) on February 21, 2001 at 22:39:11:

…don’t read this newsgroup while eating dinner any more. BLECH!!

Re: RING!!! RING!!! …Hello. - Posted by Eduardo (OR)

Posted by Eduardo (OR) on February 21, 2001 at 19:08:36:

True stories:

  1. Was told owner had died in house. Now vacant and for sale by relatives. Went to see it. Blood spattered all over the walls in one bedroom. Human excrement all over bathroom.
  2. People living in fairly clean house. Opened door to one bedroom. Raising chickens in that bedroom, lots of them, uncaged (under the chicken crap was a hardwood floor getting ruined).
  3. Remember the Mother Goose story something like, “There was a crooked man who lived in a crooked house?” Well, I saw that house. Everything was skiwampus. House went one way, staircase leaned another way, cupboards another way, etc.
  4. Went to see a house with several adults living in it. Filthy, but I honestly thought toilet was brown porcelain. Found out later I was wrong.
  5. Went to see a “house” in the country. Older couple lived there. It was A CHICKEN COOP. A real chicken coop.
  6. Went to see a house a girl and her grandmother were living in. Wiring for ceiling lites was exposed (absolutely no insulation) copper wiring running all over ceilings with occasional lite bulbs hanging down. Wallpaper all over house was pages ripped from 1940’s Look magazine and glued on the walls.

I’ve Got All Your Stories Beat - Posted by phil fernandez

Posted by phil fernandez on February 21, 2001 at 16:31:54:

There was this old lady living alone in her house. She had pets, lots of them. And liked to feed the pets. Finally Human Services intervened and had a cleaning company and pest control guy come in. The pest control guy bangs on the furnace hot air ducts and all the well fed rats came running toward him. Seems like this was the way the woman would alert the rats, that its supper time. The pest guy ran out of the basement and I never did buy the house.

Re: RING!!! RING!!! …Hello. - Posted by DavidV

Posted by DavidV on February 21, 2001 at 15:47:55:

I think i was at his brother’s house monday. Guy in his late 30’s im guessin said just a little elbow grease needed. This guy had 3 rug rats, had plates in every room that had molded food from at least 3 weeks, doggie you-know-what in the corner, and that was the best part. He bragged on how he put an addition on himself on the phone and when i checked it out the toilet he put in himself was actually elevated on 2 tiers, a literal throne. lol. He said it was to insure proper drainage. geeeeeze. I didn’t know who to call first, the human services people or the code inspectors. This one was by far the nastiest i’ve seen. Needless to say i didn’t exactly leave on good terms. Sometimes you just got to wonder…???

Re: RING!!! RING!!! …Don’t Answer - Posted by BR2

Posted by BR2 on February 21, 2001 at 10:05:55:

I know exactly what you’re talking about. I bought a house similar to what you’re describing but not quite as bad. Anyway, after I got it sparkling clean (mostly cosmetic stuff) the previous owner had the nerve to ask if I would rent to her. Not in this life time baby!!!

Enjoyed your story. I’m glad I’m not alone…

Re: RING!!! RING!!! …Hello. - Posted by JD

Posted by JD on February 21, 2001 at 09:39:41:

You havent lived till you buy a foreclosure that the cleaning companies refuse to clean, you have to do it yourself, and you do throwup.

Probably a match for… - Posted by Carmen_FL

Posted by Carmen_FL on February 21, 2001 at 09:01:10:

the house we just bought from a 90-year old blind lady with a cat who lived alone. We’re still finding surprise cat “deposits” in places like the closets. I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say there were mosquitoes breeding in the toilets, millions of fruit flies in the kitchen - especially the area directly in front of the refrigerator - and goldfish in the pool-turned-pond (not intentionally). The house came equipped with a half-eaten roasted chicken still on the stove. The poor dear had tried to cook a few times, with disastrous (and potentially fatal) results to the kitchen counters - I figure it’s a good thing we did buy the house when we did! It was truly a health hazard. Since she was moving to an assisted living facility, she left 20 years worth of “stuff” in the house (3 dumpsters worth) - after the neighbors had all come by and picked up anything of value. Luckily, the structure is sound, and it is in a good area, easy to resell.

does it smell like… - Posted by Laure

Posted by Laure on February 21, 2001 at 04:52:35:

cat urine? You know Le Grand says he Loves the smell !

It’s a joke in our house now. When I look at a house, first thing my husband asks is how is the “scent”. If it doesn’t smell, he says I’m not getting a good enough deal !

He says cat urine smells like money. He says he can even smell money from the curb sometimes ! hehehe. I told him he should just walk down the street with his nose and find the deals from now on.

Laure :wink:

LOL - Posted by Laure

Posted by Laure on February 21, 2001 at 04:48:54:

I usually have them say it needs a little paint. Not much work to be done. LOL

They ALL need work !

Laure :slight_smile:

Re: I’ve Got All Your Stories Beat - Posted by JoeKaiser

Posted by JoeKaiser on February 21, 2001 at 18:13:07:

We bought a house once and discovered three desicated cats in the kitchen cabinets, and it wasn’t a vacant house . . . the lady still cooked in that kitchen every day.