The Ant and The Grasshopper - Posted by Bill
Posted by Bill on March 02, 2002 at 10:18:37:
Subject: The Ant and The Grasshopper
ORIGINAL VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his
house and laying in supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he’s a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out
in the cold.
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his
house and laying in supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he’s a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be
warm and well-fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by
the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the
grasshopper, and everybody cries
when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of
the ant’s house, where the
news stations film the group singing, “We shall
overcome.” Jesse then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper’s sake.
Tom Daschle exclaims in an interview with Peter
Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back
of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share.”
Richard Gephart nodding, in agreement with higher taxes.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act, " retroactive to the
beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs
and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant,
and the case is tried before a panel of Federal
judges that Bill had appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the
case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
up the last bits of the
ant’s food while the government house he is in,
which just happens to be the
ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he
doesn’t maintain it. The ant
has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related
incident and the house, now
abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who
terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.