Re: Argue your limitations… - Posted by John Behle
Posted by John Behle on March 29, 2006 at 11:08:47:
I haven’t heard of Branden, but I would somewhat agree with his statement. It goes beyond that though. Somewhat can have good self esteem and still have “irrational fears”. A fear may just be based on risk but it can also be based on beliefs that are not necessarily logical. To fear sky diving might be somewhat rational, there are some risks, but most fear is based on exaggerated risks. I remember when I went years ago there was a statistic of more people being killed in high school football than sky diving.
An irrational fear may be something highly exaggerated or even totally off the scale. Someone that fears sky diving because their grandfather’s shute was shot up in WWII might be exaggerated. But, a fear like that has little to do with self image.
The irrational fears are usually deeper and much of the time unknown to the person?s conscious mind. They Psychologist that first taught me about eliminating ?Self Defeating Behaviors? close to thirty years ago used an example that has always stood out. It was a woman he was counseling. To make a long story short she had a weight problem from eating a whole chocolate cake each day. It?s fascinating the steps and rationalizations she went through, but another discussion. What the final result was is that under hypno-therapy what Dr Chamberlain refers to as a ?mythical fear? came out. She said she knew she was a beautiful woman and was trying to make herself less desirable because of the fear of being taken advantage of (to put it mildly).
Now, the statistics don?t bear that out and rational analysis might see that as an un-justified fear. But, to our sub-conscious minds it is real. I would wager highly that further therapy would find the incident or incidents where that fear started. He probably knew, but did not share that part with the class. And over the years, I have seen hundreds and hundreds of very similar cases.
So, when it comes to finances, business, etc. The fear of one of the wanna be investors I mentioned in the other post was a fear of ?losing it all.? That seems irrational to us to look at. How can never having anything be any better than losing it all? How can never having a relationship or getting married in his case be better than his extreme fear of losing a relationship or getting into a bad one? You could argue that the fear becomes real because of his not trying. It would be hard for a failure to be much worse than the life he had doomed himself to by not trying. The risk of buying a property and then possibly losing it doesn?t result in a much worse state than never trying.
I think Steven Covey is someone with a very good grasp of all this. He made some statements years ago that have always stood out to me. He said ?un-expressed emotions never die, they just manifest themselves in uglier and uglier ways?. And that ?if you try to strangle and emotion it struggles for life. If you let it live, it dies in the birth process?. He went on to say that behaviors are driven from these emotions. His statement was ?All sin is outward manifestation of inner turmoil?. So take out the word sin since that particular statement was in a church setting. Consider it the aberrant behavior that gets in the way of success and happiness. The things we do to mess up in life.
The behavior that is damaging, self defeating and gets in the way of success usually has inner roots. Most of the time that is from traumatic events. Sometimes from a series or pattern of small events. Sometimes just from a messed up belief system. Like people who are taught in the home or some kind of religious setting that ?money is the root of all evil? when the true statement was ?the love of money is the root of all evil? which is quite different.
So, when someone has a belief system they are fighting against at the very least it makes the job difficult, long and tedious. In more cases, the belief system wins. Some people without wealth are taught that they are more humble and righteous. Some are taught that rich people do bad things or in the long run are un-happy. I have seen so many people struggle against those kind of inner beliefs in the business world.
A good definition of FEAR is ?False Evidence Appearing Real.? So many times fear is based on erroneous or irrational beliefs. Deeply entrenched inner beliefs don?t just go away from someone ?changing their mind?, reading a book or even having a discussion or realization of the bizarre nature of the beliefs.
Then, it goes farther. We have what is called our ?Reticular Activating System?. We tend to attract to us things that justify our beliefs. We see only those things that justify our beliefs. On a subconscious level, we work to prove the beliefs. The powerful subconscious or unconscious mind has the task of doing all it can to make our beliefs real. It doesn?t weigh or analyze them, it?s just a dog fetching a stick. Doesn?t matter if it is dynamite.
That?s why outside programming working against the deeper inner programming is such a difficult battle. A thousand positive affirmations may have little impact where one planted direct into the subconscious can make a powerful shift. Yet, it might have taken a thousand negative affirmations to help create those beliefs and over time positive affirmations can make a difference. A long time.
But turn this inner power to the right course or cause and the result can be tremendous success.
I find that to be the common denominator for success. Whether in athletics or in finances. Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve. If someone truly has the inner belief of their success it will be hard to stop them. If they believe inside that they can?t, all the external influences in the world may do little to help them. I?ve found that a lot with employees. I?ve been a rescuer at times and usually see someone?s potential better than they do. I?ve been amazed when someone is presented with all the opportunity in the world and scrambles to blow it up. It?s the lifeguard syndrome. They learned to keep their distance and toss people a ring because lifeguards were getting killed by the thrashing people they tried to save. And that may be a good visual of how we work sometimes. Thrashing around and actually fighting against the influences and people trying to help us.
People just repeat their cycles of drama unless there is serious intervention. We spend out lives proving the ?truth? of those inner beliefs and creating a world around us that justifies it. Change the beliefs - change our world.