Too busy? - Posted by Matt B

Posted by SusanL.–FL on January 26, 2001 at 11:35:29:

Father-in-law was ooglin’ his wife’s new credit union account and the rewards$ it would reap HIM! Isn’t that a hoot? He spends more time thinking up ways to get OUT of work than the time it would take him to do the darn job!!

Years ago, (12 to be exact), (husband) Kenny was showing off his little workshop inside our house to his Dad and Stepmother (Mary). It looked like a hardware store. Everything in its place. He was quite proud.

Mary piped up: “Wheredidja GIT all this stuff, Kenny Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay”???

He looked incredulous! He said, “I saved my money and BOUGHT it”! [like duuuuuuuuuuuh…]

Years ago Kenny would buy his Father nice gifts like tools and such (stuff that he could use to make money with). Before you knew it, the dope would turn around and sell it for a fast buck. :frowning:

I “happened” to be ‘browsing’ through the county records one day on his house and discovered that he had refinanced his house TWENTY SIX times over the years!!! The guy is a trip…

Have a good weekend.


Too busy? - Posted by Matt B

Posted by Matt B on January 24, 2001 at 08:29:40:

I spoke to my dad this past weekend concerning the business that he has owned and operated by himself for the past 25 years. Last year, he tried to sell the business so that he could retire since he was having some health problems and did not want to work any more. He financed the sale of the business so that he could receive regular payments until “social security kicked in”.

Now I certainly don’t want to be insulting to my dad in any way, but here is a guy who was making a six figure income at the height of his business. I remember as a kid walking to the bank and making a several thousand dollar deposit almost every other day. Yet here he was, hoping that social security would carry him after the money from the business ran out.

Well, the guy that he sold the business to never made a payment on time. After only a few months, he stopped paying, and I helped my parents, along with their attorney get the guy out of the business and get it back into my dad’s hands. Any way, as I was talking to my dad about the business, I asked how things were going and if he had any more prospects as far as buyers for the business. He told me that he didn’t. My mom then told me that she never wanted to go through what they went through with this last buyer again. He had run up bills in the business’ name that they had to clear up. He then declared bankruptcy so they couldn’t get any money out of him.

So I asked my dad what the plan was. He said, “Well, I guess I’ll just work until I drop”. My mom then said, “Except, he can’t drop!”. She has been working a part time job as well to try to recover from the financial loss that they took.

All this made me think about when my real estate business was going full time, and I asked my parents if they’d like to get involved with possibly either buying or brokering notes that I was creating on various properties. I offered to give them all the information that they needed, but also told them that if they were unsure about the notes that I was creating, they could at least use what I shared with them to go start acquiring notes elsewhere. My mom, who was unemployed, said that she was “really just to busy right now” to try to learn anything “that complex”. My dad had no answer.

I have been trying to think of a way to help my parents out without just giving them money, since I have done that a few times already, and it seems to make them feel very uncomfortable. But what can I do? If they are unwilling to learn anything else that could make them money that they have to WORK ONCE for, and get paid long into their “retirement”, what can I do for them?

I have offered to help several people get started in creative real estate. I don’t claim to be any sort of expert, but I do know how to work the deals and how to get a full time business going doing them. It amazes me that after I tell these people just a few things about how the mechanics of some deals work, they are fascinated, but are just “too busy” right now to start doing them! Tell me this then- when won’t you be “too busy”???

My parents seem to have a lot less time now that my dad has to go to his business every day until he “drops”. My mom has far less free time now that she has had to start working. At what point do you supposed they’ll have some time? At what point do these other people think they’ll have some time to devote to securing their financial freedom? After retirement? After social security “kicks in”?

When I started doing deals, I had the least amount of time of anyone I knew! I drove an hour and 15 minutes to work, worked a 10 hour day, and drove an hour and 15 minutes home! I just found out that one the big producers, as far as deals go, on this board (Steve Cook) had a similar situation when he first started doing deals. Why is it that we weren’t “too busy” and yet some who was unemployed was???

I’m sure that this “too busy” excuse is used by a lot of people to hide other excuses, such as fear of the unknown when it comes to working deals. I was scared as heck to talk to a seller the first time I tried to make a call. It took me 2 days just to pick up the phone!

Any way, for all those newbies out there, as well as anyone else who has become “too busy” to continue doing deals, just think real hard and let me know when you won’t be too busy to concentrate on securing financial freedom for you and your family. I can tell you for a fact it doesn’t ever happen. I feel really bad about my parents’ situation, but it is because of choices that they have made. What choice do you want to make? Being “too busy” and working paycheck to paycheck, waiting for social security to “kick in”? Or use what time you do have for something other than sitting there, watching TV, surfing the internet, or whatever, and be able to CREATE more time by creating the passive income that real estate can provide?

Here’s the really funny thing- IT’S YOUR CHOICE!!!

Re: Too busy? - Posted by JohnBoy

Posted by JohnBoy on January 25, 2001 at 02:29:42:

What about planning to meet with a motivated seller on a Sat or Sun where you could set something up with your dad where you two are going somewhere together that day. While on your way somewhere, say, dad, I need to make a quick stop on the way and then have him come inside with you and let him see you in action! Hopefully it turns out to be a deal that gets signed where your dad could see just how easy you were able to make that deal come together. Then you can talk about the deal after you leave and continue your day together. Sometimes all it takes is just being able to witness something first hand to get a jump start on thinking about doing something different. Chances are that once he seen how easy you just picked up a property with nothing out of your pocket it might spark some interest on his part. Whether it does or doesn’t, it sure will blow him away seeing how you were just given a property like that! You just never know, but it certainly couldn’t hurt to try it and see how he reacts afterwards! The rest of the day he’ll probably keep going on about how he can’t believe how someone just handed over their home like that! It would have a much more powerful affect by seeing a deal go down than just hearing about it!

Re: Too busy? (kinda long) - Posted by Rick(CA)

Posted by Rick(CA) on January 25, 2001 at 01:37:49:


I can certainly sypathize. I have always had the entreprenuerial spirit, much to the annoyance of my family and friends. I am slowly working on my wife’s resolve. Hardly a month goes by when she’s not “hinting” for me to “get a job”. Especially during the tight months. All she can see is that she get’s a paycheck regularly week to week. That’s all she’s known.

Nevermind that I work fewer hours and make several times more. It’s those months when I don’t make as much as the good months. It is probably that very thing that your parents see. They know as long as they work, the money will be there. Unfortunately, like your parents, anytime I bring up investing for our retirement, her usual reply is “we have bills to pay”. Nevermind that a person will ALWAYS have bills to pay.

My parents were the same way. Get a job, work hard and try and get ahead. When my dad got sick, it was up to my mom to support the family. Kinda hard going from the secondary income of a two income family to the primary bread winner.

After he died, she’s still doing what she’s always done. Working long hours and complaining how she doesn’t know how she’s going to retire. When I try to encourage her to go out on her own, she too has her excuses. Where will I get the clientele? I won’t make enough money. So instead, she scrapes by and is happy to get a 50 cent an hour raise ever couple of years or so.

I guess what I’m saying is: “Sometimes that dog won’t hunt”. If everyone had the same spirit we all do here, then we’d have a lot of competition indeed! I understand your frustration. I know that I’ll more than likely end up being the one to take care of not only my mom in her retirement, but my mother in law as well, despite the fact that I have siblings on both sides.

Why? Because I’m the more successful. I’m more financially able to handle it. You know why? Because NOT having money (especially in retirement) is a GREAT motivator!

Maybe if you want to do something, you can nudge them in gently with a small deal. Just enough to get them enthused.

Otherwise, do what I do. Take a deep sigh and just accept the inevitable! (grin)

Keep posting Matt. As always, I do enjoy your posts.

Possible Solution: - Posted by Harley-CA

Posted by Harley-CA on January 24, 2001 at 21:02:39:

Hi Matt,

I could feel your anguish as I read your post and I wanted to add something I learned about 10 years back from a wise old friend of mine.

I think it was Getty who said “there is no such thing as a lazy person, just unmotivated.” For example, if the air suddenly went away, all of us would stop what we’re currently doing and gasp for the first puff of air we could find. That’s because “who we are” depends on breathing air.

In your parents case, they have hot buttons, things that make them get really excited. Maybe it’s giving to their church, maybe it’s a special hobby, maybe it’s making sure their children are taken care of.

The thing you want to do is find their “motivator” and begin to gently cultivate it by showing them ways that your ideas can help them realize their “motivators.”

You could broach the subject with them by saying something like: “I was thinking the other day what I would do if money and time didn’t matter, if I had all the time and money in the world.” When you say this, they’ll get to thinking about themselves. Pause for a few seconds after you say it and let their own images form in their mind. Then, say “Dad, what would you do if you had all the money and time in the world?” Then listen closely to his response.

You’ll hear his inner-most dream. Then, creatively link that dream to what you are doing in the note business. You could even begin to help them realize that dream by sharing some of your wealth with them (in small quantities).

For example, if your mother would like to paint portraits, you could buy her a portrait class and pay for the whole thing. Then, as she began to re-awaken that dream within, slowly share your deals with her. Show her the details that allowed you to put her into class. Carry a notepad with you when you go to visit them and at key moments offer to share something particularly exciting about your latest deal. Show them how you “beat inflation” or “learned a new technique.” Then show them how easy it was to do.

I truly believe that dreams are the keys to motivation. If you can get your parents dreaming again (like your dad did when he started his business), you can accomplish so much more. Everyone who wants to retire feels the “I wish I had done things differently” demon on their shoulder. Getting them dreaming again shows them that it’s never too late. You can’t tell them it’s never too late. They have to tell themselves that. All you need to do is to get them dreaming, and the will to touch their dreams, will be come a strong reason “WHY.” I can’t use “your” WHY and you can’t use mine and your parents can’t use yours either. RE investing is just a “HOW.” Reawaken the “WHY” in your parents gently and you may see an amazing change in them. Remember, without hope, the human spirit dies. Dreams are the food of hope.

Just my .02 worth.


Re: Too busy? - Posted by Sue M -CT

Posted by Sue M -CT on January 24, 2001 at 20:43:21:

Matt B

You are a great motivationalist. It’s true you just can’t let your mind slip back into that idea of needing to work day in and day out to get by. You have to train your mind to think a different way - a way that can bring you a more fulfilling life with many more options. I think when people get nervous they fall back into their “comfortable” way of life and thinking and get stuck. People go back to what their parents and schools have engrained into them -that you have to work your butt off to get anywhere in life.

But you just end up getting by, paying your bills, hoping for extra money for a vacation of 1 or maybe 2 weeks, and excusing it by saying you’re too busy to learn any thing new. Not me! I’m reading info on this site from tons of creative thinkers who are motivating me to create a better life for myself, my family and others. Thanks Matt B - Don’t give up on your parents yet - they just may not have found the right creative deal!!

Good points raised here… - Posted by SusanL.–FL

Posted by SusanL.–FL on January 24, 2001 at 11:59:37:

…and excellent responses too.

I’ve ALSO heard, “I’m too busy right now” from my Mother.

For example, you may or may not remember when I bought her the Web-TV (a year ago this past November).

I thought, 'HEY! This’ll be great. It’ll connect the whole family! [Bradenton FL/Naples FL/Clifton NJ/Upper Montclair NJ]

Well–every time we went to show her how to use it, we heard, “I’m too busy right now” (puttering around the house).

Well, she is STILL paying for the monthly connection service and the only time it gets used is when we (kids) all fly in to visit for the holidays.

She LOVES to sit there and watch/read what we pull up on the screen (esPECIALLY brother Chris’ e-mail!) but she won’t sit down and try to learn it herself.

Oh well, In this case, ‘ya can’t teach an old dog new tricks’.

They DO get set in their ways.

Re: Too busy? - Posted by Bud Branstetter

Posted by Bud Branstetter on January 24, 2001 at 10:43:47:

Matt, Please don’t take this as any criticism of your parents. Many people continue to work and run a business. They even invest and make money doing it. But they don’t save it and invest in those passive income vehicles as Rob described. When you sell a property to someone you investigate whether you think they will pay. Banks do a through job but still have a failure rate. If an idividual has a lower criteria their failure rate will reflect that.

There is also the diversity approach to investing. Would Lonnie rather have 20 mobile home notes or one note on a commercial building?

It also appears they did not know that you can sell a business note. If they had tried to sell it the note buyer would have found out the problems and alerted yor parents.

Your advice is appropriate about being to busy. But don’t be to busy to learn how to save, to learn how to invest and learn how to have something there later that no one can take from you.

Re: Too busy? - Posted by Rob FL

Posted by Rob FL on January 24, 2001 at 09:42:03:

One thing I’ve found out in doing creative REI as well as some other business is that most people just don’t get it. They really don’t see or understand the big picture. On top of that there is a big fear of the unknown as Tmac metnioned below.

People are conditioned from about 1st grade through high school, college and beyond that to make money you must work for it. Either in a job or in a profession of some sort. It’s very difficult to change this mindset after 12 or 16 years of school and even more years working in the system itself.

Take the example of your father (not to be disrespectful). The business he owns (which you didn’t mention what type it is) must be something where if he doesn’t show up every day the business disappears. In other words he is what Robert Kiyosaki calls the “S” quadrant. He is the business and the business is him. He doesn’t own a business, he owns a job where he is the boss.

I have found that before you can be successful at any business you really have to change the way you think. I am still working on my own thought process. Robert Kiyosaki’s books are a great place to start the change process. The main idea I got from those books are to find ways to create passive cashflow. Long-term if you don’t do this you will end up working for the rest of your life.

Re: Too busy? - Posted by tmac

Posted by tmac on January 24, 2001 at 09:21:15:


I understand what you’re saying. However, don’t be too hard on your parents or others who don’t have the vision you have about their financial future.

I’ve found that people who say they don’t have time, or any other excuse for that matter, is not just fear of the unknown, but fear of failure, and lack of belief in themselves. Also, what you see may not be a priority in their lives. Some people just need time.

Remember, our parents, those who have been working for 25 - 40 years are conditioned to make money a certain way. If they need more money, they were taught to work harder & longer. Get a second/third job. Work overtime, ask for a raise, etc. We know another way. We are trained to locate motivated sellers, same hold true for people wanting to make more $. MOTIVATION. If people are motivated enough, they will do what you’re proposing or find another way to solve their problems.

It’s hard to teach old dogs new tricks (no insult to our parents).

Sometimes our situation is not just a matter of choice, it is also circumstances that put us where we are. It’s how we responsd to the circumstances that determine where we are going.

Just love your parents. Lead by your example. Some will follow, others will watch you burn.

I’m talking from some experience here.

Good luck

Re: Too busy? - Posted by Matt B

Posted by Matt B on January 25, 2001 at 09:01:27:

This idea is very interesting. Although I have explained many of my deals to my parents, and my mom in particular, always looks amazed and mentions how impressed she is (this is the woman who asked me how a person with no job could buy a 5 bedroom house when I first got my house a couple of years ago. She had originally told me that I was “foolish” for quitting my job!) I have never actually had them see me in action. I’m going to have to see if I can set up a subject to lead for this weekend!

I had to laugh at the following line… - Posted by SusanL.–FL

Posted by SusanL.–FL on January 25, 2001 at 12:12:46:

re: Because NOT having money (especially in retirement) is a GREAT motivator!

It made me INSTANTLY think of my father-in-law.

After he retired and ran out of money, he sent his WIFE out to work (while he sat home on his lazy a s s).

Recently, he was telling us about a new job she was getting…and all the benefits that she would be getting (and what was in it for HIM!)

Is that a HOOT or WHAT? The guy is incredible. He would last about 37 l/2 seconds in MY house…

Kenny and I just looked at each other with our mouths open when he left.

Using those subtle ‘techniques’… - Posted by SusanL.–FL

Posted by SusanL.–FL on January 25, 2001 at 12:00:54:

to direct our loved ones in the right direction.

SURE wish they’d work at MY house. I’ve tried a couple times to direct Jr. at home along an early career path. His forte is art, and he certainly has the ‘gift’.

I’ve suggested a couple times already that he set up his own web page and advertise his ‘wares’. All it would take is a little motivation on his part–but it just isn’t there [yet].

He was already commissioned by an area businessman to sketch a rather complex drawing in color. He also designed his year book cover and web page for his high school–so I know he’s got what it takes skillwise.

With very little effort, he could have a VERY lucrative career–and at a young age. The drive just isn’t there.

At 17, he is MORE interested in polishing his first car and eeking out a small living at his P/T Wendy’s job to cover the cost of gasoline.

When he runs low on cash$, his solution is to run to his savings account. :-((

Oh well. I won’t give up.

(P.S. Wished someone had steered me in a ‘direction’ when I was that age. My Dad, who was stuck in a certain mind-set, was also busting butt at his company (like Matt B.‘s parents). My brother inherited the company–so the bustin’ butt continues. It’s like monkey see/monkey do. They can’t seem to see beyond that.

Re: Possible Solution: - Posted by Matt B

Posted by Matt B on January 25, 2001 at 09:35:44:

Interestingly enough, I have tried this technique with them. I can usually get some small spark from my dad for the exact reason that you mentioned. He had that imagination when starting his business years ago. My mom seems to be the more negative one and seems to quickly shoot down what he says with all sorts of excuses.

When I am able to talk to him alone, he will let me in on some of his dreams that he still has. (Although, since his health is not the greatest, he says he doesn’t expect to be around much longer.) His main concern is that my mom shoots down any new idea that he has however.

I am still trying to find a way to get through her negativity. She seems to be genuinely amazed at the deals that I work, but just seems to be unable to see herself doing anything even remotely like it, even with my help.

One point… - Posted by Mark (SDCA)

Posted by Mark (SDCA) on January 24, 2001 at 12:21:23:

I think you CAN teach a dog new tricks. It is just that in this case, your “dog” (no offense mom!!!) doesn’t want to learn!! Just get a bigger stick and a juicier carrot!!


Re: I had to laugh at the following line… - Posted by Rick(CA)

Posted by Rick(CA) on January 25, 2001 at 15:44:25:

Reminds me of one of my uncles. He’s the epitome of the song “Put Another Log on the Fire”. lol

When my aunt had double knee surgery, he STILL expected her to fix him dinner every night.