HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Keith

Posted by Mark Vidales on June 02, 1999 at 14:54:55:


Scott is right on this I joined my local Toastmasters recently and what a moral and confidence booster… go to and you can find the telephone number of your local toastmasters club in your area…

good luck!!


HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Keith

Posted by Keith on June 02, 1999 at 01:47:03:

Tough thing about this business is that, on the one hand it offers everything–I believe–that will enable me to make my dreams and goals come true, but on the other, the daily tasks of this business, constitute some of the things I MOST dislike in the world and usually try to avoid. Namely;

Talking on the phone–never liked it much, let alone talking to one stranger after another everyday. Oy. I’ve always been quite shy, reserved, and even a tad nervous and awkward in social situations and when meeting new people (it’s gotten a little easier through the years, but it’s still there), so I’m finding it hard to get “excited” about those aspects of this business.

Negotiating and haggling with people over goods or merchandise–something I also always steered WAY clear of.

Going out to complete strangers’ houses, and not only MEETING and chatting with said complete strangers, but also, having to walk around and inspect their home, then sitting them down and NEGOTIATING with them! To be frank, I’d almost rather eat glass. Heh.

But unfortunately, even tho this is all stuff I’d never wanted to do at all, I know that if I want the BENEFITS of real estate investing, these are things I’ll just have to take a deep breath and do–like it or not. Any tips anyone on how one can overcome shyness and nervousness in this business? If you’ve always disliked phones, how can you learn to like them now? If you hate meeting new people on regular basis, how can you learn to like it? Are (or WERE) any of you sucessful veterans out there of the same type of personality at one time, but you’ve learned to deal with it and make it happen? I’m sure a lot of nervous newbies would benefit from your experiences or thoughts! Please give me some tips and tell me how YOU overcame this stuff. :slight_smile:


Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Rodney (AZ)

Posted by Rodney (AZ) on June 06, 1999 at 19:30:00:

First of all, great question, with great answers. Being cut from the same cloth as you, I HATE the phone. And strangers are my least favorite thing. But, I realized long ago that what one fears the most is what one needs to work hardest at overcoming. One of the earlier posters on this thread said it best. We that have this problem already know what to do to tame it. Just bite the bullet, get on the phone, and every call becomes easier than the one before.

Good luck!


Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by rudy

Posted by rudy on June 06, 1999 at 05:28:50:

Get the book and tapes “Taming the fear Monster” by David LeGrand (Clergy)…Ron LeGrand’s Brother,rudy-austex

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Keith

Posted by Keith on June 06, 1999 at 03:00:28:

I just want to say a big THANKS to all of you who shared your thoughts and tips on this question I posed! Your comments are MUCH appreciated and I found them very motivational, instructional, humorous, uplifting, and inspirational. Each and every reply helped a lot and really gave me some much needed reassurance. It’s nice as a “newbie”, to see that everyone has to deal with the “fear monster” and that even some of the shyest people out there HAVE overcome it and become successful in REI.

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!! Now where’s that stinkin’ telephone?.. :wink:

Keith Milford

Find good Birdogs - Posted by PBoone

Posted by PBoone on June 02, 1999 at 19:40:24:

There are many people who are great and all of the things you would prefer not to deal with they are called Birdogs in this industry. A birdog will find and negotiate deals for a small finders fee. You can pick up some good deals from them for a couple of thousand dollars.
My suggestion is to find the talent then purhcase from them.

Shakespeare wrote… - Posted by FJW

Posted by FJW on June 02, 1999 at 18:47:24:

Nothing is good or bad, till thinking makes it so.

We all have obstacles on our path. There’s no wrong answer to how we get around or through those obstacles. Your recognition of the obstacles, in and of itself, indicates you are on the right path. Be courageous, but remember to have fun. It’s all in our heads anyway.


Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Bill Gatten

Posted by Bill Gatten on June 02, 1999 at 18:42:48:


Your post is great! This is a concern that more people should ask about. There are techniques that WORK and I am living proof of that that fact. You wouldn’t know it by reading some of my post and watching me in action at seminars and workshops. I appear to be one of the most outgoing and gregarious people you will every meet…and I am too… until you take the microphone away from me. Then I fold like a salted silver fish.

First of all, let me say that the people in sales who ‘do everyday what they fear the most,’ are always top sales people (always). They are “tops” for two reasons: First… because they do everyday what scares them spitless (a “dryness of mouth” allusion, not a typo), and second because they have all learned to “adequately” (if not “over?”) compensate for an inferiority complex. Invariably, these people were shy or neglected as children and learned that it was far safer, healthier and immeasurably more productive to manipulate people, than to fight them.

Without these two specific elements in a sales person’s life, one can generally aspire to “good” to “mediocre” at best. Just watch what happens when you go up to the guy who just won that enormous Sales Person of the year trophy, and tell him that his tie doesn’t match his shirt, or that he has chunk of spinach hanging from a tooth. He will turn into a jellied Sea-Salp right before your eyes.

Number One: DO EVERYDAY WHAT YOU FEAR THE MOST. Three of my worst fears, years ago were: 1) deep water, 2) heights and 3) snakes and lizards. And…Yep…when the kids were small a lizard ran up my pants leg at a church picnic, and I made a complete idiot out of myself by screaming like a sissy banshee and disrobing in front of the entire congregation of the Trinity Baptist Church of San Luis Obispo.

The very next day, I went down to the local pet store and bought the kids (or so everyone thought) two salamanders and a seven and a half foot Boa Constrictor. We named the Boa Charlie Brown and loved him like one of our own… until he ate the salamanders and the cat and died of a fur ball (or something… wasn’t exactly like that? I think he lasted about a year before we donated him to the Jewish Defense League as a do-it-yourself cowboy boot kit).

Then…next… I relented and agreed to go with a friend (irresponsible jerk friend) on a 26 Sail Boat and got lost about 200 miles out to seas for six days with no fuel, no food no water, no life jackets and no radio. Thinking it was the North Star, we guided on the fan tail light of a steamer bound for the orient until it finally blinked out on us halfway to Okinawa. We then paddled for about 100 miles with a canoe paddle and a camp shovel before finally being found (six days later) by the US Coast Guard and rushed to the hospital for sunburn, dehydration and foot removal (mine… from his rear end).

My next challenge…the altitude thing. I gave in over a couple beers and consented to go sky diving–with two of my sons–and to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, from 14,000 feet. Of course, being a klutz, I broke my ankle in 17 places in the process. Getting me out the door of the plane was like pushing a lobster into a pot of boiling water (hands and feet determinedly braced against the rim of the door and glued with Crazy Glue). But once pried loose, I enjoyed the blood curdling screaming and exhilaration of the senseless plummet… until I landed without flaring and broke my leg trying keep up with the 40mph forward direction of the chute).

Now…do you think I regret any of these experiences? Hell yes, I do! What in world did I have to do any of those stupid things for? Why didn’t I decide which one of those activities would put a single dime more money in my pocket, and save me the expense of white rats, Sun Blocker and six weeks in a stupid leg cast.

Wouldn’t I have been far better off to simply take the time to identify my REAL fear and dispense with the baloney. My real fear all along, was public speaking and one-on-one selling. If I had known that earlier, and had gone into investing, sales and public speaking earlier, I could have made my fortune years sooner… by doing everyday what I TRULY feared the most, and what I do everyday and love the most now.

What I feared the most all along was not water, snakes and heights… it was “Rejection,” pure and simple. After I put myself directly in front of my fears daily, I quickly learned that they (prospects) would probably not kill me even if they got the chance; and even if they did, it’s against the law for them to eat me. And regardless of any of it? I make a decent living with the process.

Keith, you already know what it is that YOU fear the most. You are indeed lucky. Waste no time. Jump into the game with both feet, and relish every second of the experience that is leading you to wealth financial freedom. When you realize that you are the absolute authority, and that it’s your gold that makes the rules…you will seek out every opportunity to do more and more of it, and assuredly become VERY wealthy in the process.


Just What You Didn’t Want To Hear - Posted by BR2

Posted by BR2 on June 02, 1999 at 12:04:18:

Just Do It! That’s the only thing that will help cure you of your fears. Believe me, I’m the ‘Queen’ (as in female) of shyness. If you have no background in RE, get some basic books, read the posts here, and get started. It’s rough at first but it gets easier.

Go for it!

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by John Butler(Stl)

Posted by John Butler(Stl) on June 02, 1999 at 11:45:13:

I also once had HUGE fear of calling sellers on the phone. I thought that it would be obvious that I had never done deals and didn’t know what I was talking about. I would get my list of questions, my note pad, and sit by the phone for maybe an hour before I could even bring myself to pick up the phone. The advice I can give you is to just do it. It gets easier with every call you make and now I have no fear at all. I am so comfortable talking with sellers and buying houses now that I can’t believe I ever had a problem! One technique I have heard to use it to pick an area where you do NOT want to invest in and then call all of the sellers in that area. What do you have to lose since you are not interested in that area anyway? You can take this further and go look at these houses to get comfortable with it. Since you know you are never going to buy it or even make an offer, what is there to be afraid of? Repeated experience will make you comfortable talking with sellers and examining their houses. It is kind of funny, but I am now going through the same process with bank officers. I am getting better at it, but I still am sort of asking them for the loan rather than considering that it is in THEIR interest to give me the loan and work to earn me as a customer.

Kinda rambling, but I hope this helps a bit,


Here’s what I did… - Posted by Scott Britton

Posted by Scott Britton on June 02, 1999 at 11:18:11:


I had the same problem as you. Most people do… so don’t feel like the lone wolf.

A mentor of mine… told me to enroll in a Toastmasters Program… which I did. The one I joined was a weekly luncheon meeting (one hour). Toastmasters has a great program… and you can take it as far as you want… but the basic program is a must.

I attended meetings for about three or four years (quite a committment)… became President of my group… competed in some of their competitions… etc. In other words… I got involved.

I confronted my fears… in an orderly way… through a structured program… over a period of time. I was very nervous at time… sweaty palms… racing heart… but it got better and better.

Now… I can stand in front of one person… or a group of 400-500 people… and deliver my message with confidence. That’s what you are looking for.

Join a Toasmaster group today. Look them up in your phone book… on the internet.

Best of Real Estate Success!

Scott Britton

They have invented a fear pill… - Posted by Kevin(OK)

Posted by Kevin(OK) on June 02, 1999 at 11:11:00:

…for people who have our problem (it was on the news). It is a pill that is meant to end fear in the workplace, which they estimate causes millions in lost revenue. Unfortunately, it is not due to be available for a couple of years.

In the mean time, one thing that helps me when I have the “right before I meet with the seller jitters” is the fact that I give 20% of all profits to charity. So, to calm my nerves, I just visualize "if I make $5000 off of this deal, that means $1000 will go to help sick children, or this may be the $1000 that cures cancer, or how many homeless people will that $1000 feed, or (insert your charity here). Maybe (I just thought of this one) you could choose to sponsor a child or children overseas, when they send you the picture(s) of the child(ren) you could tape them up somewhere in your car. That way when you are going to the deal, you can see the children who’s lives will benefit from you making deals.

Just a thought. Hope it helps.


Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Branden Bestgen

Posted by Branden Bestgen on June 02, 1999 at 09:39:19:

Another book I’d like to suggest is “How To Win Friends and Influence People”. While this book is not necessarily geared towards confidence building, it does teach you how people communicate, and it teaches you how to effectively communicate with others. We’re more alike than we are different.

Branden Bestgen

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Judy

Posted by Judy on June 02, 1999 at 07:53:02:


Ron LeGrand in his book discusses fear. He says that you can hire someone to do just about anything that you don’t like to do. Just remember that and it will go a long way to helping you get through the first few deals until you can afford to hire someone. But, I think by that time you may enjoy doing the “fear cause” stuff, just because payday is such fun.


Re: Taming the fear Monster! - Posted by rudy

Posted by rudy on June 02, 1999 at 07:10:11:

Ron LeGrand’s brother, David LeGrand (clergyman) has a book and tape on Taming the fear monster you can get thru Ron…rudy-austex

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Lisa in Oz

Posted by Lisa in Oz on June 02, 1999 at 03:24:23:

Hi Keith

I used to be deathly afraid of talking on the phone to strangers until my boss, at the time, told me that if I didn’t make the necessary phone calls for my job I was fired. Boy, did that change my motivation. The first one was the worst and then it got easier–a lot easier. Now I negotiate, argue, etc., on the phone all the time–no prob.

When I went for my first “housecall” to discuss lease/optioning a couples home, I was terrified. In the car on the way there I decided to acknowledge and accept the fact that I was scared witless. Then I sort of took the fear and “set it aside” for the time being–not getting rid of it, just choosing to go forward. Then, while talking with the couple, I sort of “play-acted” (even though it was serious) like I was someone else, not the scared little girl. What I found was that after a while I recognized that I knew what I was talking about and I didn’t need any more “tricks”.

Summary: know your stuff as well as you can (you’ll never know it all), keep going when your scared, and reward yourself for doing something 99% of society wouldn’t dream of doing.

Good Luck Mate,
Lisa in Oz

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Matthew Chan

Posted by Matthew Chan on June 02, 1999 at 03:00:25:

You will probably get a wide variety of responses here.

As I said in another post, One of the things that will help you gain confidence is simply being knowledgeable in CRE. It doesn’t mean you have to know everything but you should know the fundamentals.

You don’t have to like everything you do. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it.

If you don’t like interaction, then you need to develop alternative ways of marketing and communicating like faxing, letter-writing, written offers, advertising, etc. Some people play the numbers game and simply blast offers out and hope something sticks.

Another thing that might help is to become less emotional and more detached. I dislike rejection but the neat thing of this business is that YOU can do the rejecting. In some ways, I am finding this business is a little robotic and repetitive up until you find that motivated seller.

I got my offer accepted and signed on a MH deal tonight because I was knowledgeable (although relatively new), did some due diligence by learning the market, and played the Q&A and numbers game. I banged through almost 2 dozen phone numbers I collected to get 1 good deal. (Actually 1 more might come through tomorrow) Regardless, each call took about 5 min. I figured if I kept on calling good leads, someone was bound to come through for me. And it came through REAL quick!

Regarding negotiations and talking with people, I used to hate it, was shy, and very introverted. (Actually, I still am at heart but I fake extrovertedness) I found it necessary to learn because you have to stand up for yourself to get what you want. People respond to that. It takes practice but it can be done. I am living proof of that fact.

The rewards will come with a price. No such thing as a free ride.

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by Russ Sims

Posted by Russ Sims on June 02, 1999 at 02:48:54:

Keith: You and I are in the same boat with respect to the telephones. But I can tell you what is significantly helping me: One is the book that has been recommended numerous times on this site: “Think, and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill. What a mind blowing book! I especially like Mr. Hills quote “Fear, the worst of all enemies, can be effectively cured by repeated acts of courage.” Boy, how true. Muster the courage to make that first call, and the second is a little easier, the third easier than that until after a while they seem almost effortless.

I know there are some Anthony Robbins fans on this site. I ran into his book “Personal Power” at a used book store. It promises to teach you how to overcome your fears. I’m looking forward to it…Good Luck

Re: HELP! How did you guys overcome fear and shyness? - Posted by steven

Posted by steven on June 07, 1999 at 12:55:32:

where can I find these tapes. Is there a web site?
How much do they cost?